When love refuses to die
This is a wet page from my friend Piyush's diary.
And thats when I saw him again. After 3 long years. Kissing some other boy. I stood there, next to him, staring..glaring. Wishing he would stop, look at me. He did. He turned, saw me but went back to kissing that boy. And I just stood there. Stung. Shocked. Lost. And then came the tears, uninvited though.
I ran out of the pub, crying, howling. And called my best friend. "It's him!! It's him," said I, panting..out of breath. "Who and what happened? Relax..what happened?" She asked alarmed. "I saw him. After 3 years! I just saw him. it's him, it's him, it's him!" "Oh God! Was it *********??" asked she. "yes, and he was kissing someone else. Didn't even stop when he saw me!.. How could he? I have been in love with him for 3 years!! 3 years after he just walked off one day! And he looks at me and pretends that I don't exist! How easy..!!" I had swung into my hyperactive mode by now.. was nearly screaming at myself.
And there went my evening. What I had thought would be a decent drinking night-out, turned out to be a nightmare. And why? Because I was, err.. I Am still hung up on my ex-boyfriend. Now..this is something I have known for a very long time. But that is another story. What happened, who is he and all the gory details (hell yeah, gory!) some other day.
I never thought you wouldn't kiss another boy, but in front of me? You knew I would cry, right? You also knew how it would completely make me go berserk in my head. And yet you couldn't care less. And thats got me thinking. What happened to unconditional love and those crazy promised that were made. Where did all those days go that were spent looking at each other. You promised to kill yourself if we ever split. Ha, it sounds funny now. Not that I ever thought you would do something that stupid, but not even look at me? Now, that's extreme!
Whats even more stupid (or at least now it looks stupid) is that I always thought it was true love. For three years i unconsciously tried finding you in every boy I dated. I tried to pick the ones that treated me the way you did. Who walked next to me and turned every 5 minutes to say "you know you are the cutest boy in this whole wide world, right". Or, "You know I own you na, and I want you to know that you own me too.. No one is going to touch me ever again." ! Such words! Look at how hollow they turned out to be. Look at how we say things but never care about keeping our words.
So Dear Diary,
I am not a believer. I don’t believe that people meet, fall in love and live happily ever after. I don’t believe it when people tell each other that they care and they will keep caring till the end of time. I feel strange when people write on their profiles that they are in a relationship. When they openly declare their love for someone. Strange because I know they will not be in this relationship for long. That they will feel hurt and dejected and used and miserable by the end of it. That they will cry for long when it’s over. But strange also because I feel sad for myself as I know I will perhaps never be in a stable relationship. There are some things that scar you for life. Sadly, it happened to me when I was 20. When I ran towards that Metro station that night in Delhi because he was waiting there to for me. When I saw him sitting there for the first time. And the moment when I knew that the poor heart that I had was never gonna be mine again. The day that he left. And when i came to know that somehow, I was scarred for life.
And thats when I saw him again. After 3 long years. Kissing some other boy. I stood there, next to him, staring..glaring. Wishing he would stop, look at me. He did. He turned, saw me but went back to kissing that boy. And I just stood there. Stung. Shocked. Lost. And then came the tears, uninvited though.
I ran out of the pub, crying, howling. And called my best friend. "It's him!! It's him," said I, panting..out of breath. "Who and what happened? Relax..what happened?" She asked alarmed. "I saw him. After 3 years! I just saw him. it's him, it's him, it's him!" "Oh God! Was it *********??" asked she. "yes, and he was kissing someone else. Didn't even stop when he saw me!.. How could he? I have been in love with him for 3 years!! 3 years after he just walked off one day! And he looks at me and pretends that I don't exist! How easy..!!" I had swung into my hyperactive mode by now.. was nearly screaming at myself.
And there went my evening. What I had thought would be a decent drinking night-out, turned out to be a nightmare. And why? Because I was, err.. I Am still hung up on my ex-boyfriend. Now..this is something I have known for a very long time. But that is another story. What happened, who is he and all the gory details (hell yeah, gory!) some other day.
I never thought you wouldn't kiss another boy, but in front of me? You knew I would cry, right? You also knew how it would completely make me go berserk in my head. And yet you couldn't care less. And thats got me thinking. What happened to unconditional love and those crazy promised that were made. Where did all those days go that were spent looking at each other. You promised to kill yourself if we ever split. Ha, it sounds funny now. Not that I ever thought you would do something that stupid, but not even look at me? Now, that's extreme!
Whats even more stupid (or at least now it looks stupid) is that I always thought it was true love. For three years i unconsciously tried finding you in every boy I dated. I tried to pick the ones that treated me the way you did. Who walked next to me and turned every 5 minutes to say "you know you are the cutest boy in this whole wide world, right". Or, "You know I own you na, and I want you to know that you own me too.. No one is going to touch me ever again." ! Such words! Look at how hollow they turned out to be. Look at how we say things but never care about keeping our words.
So Dear Diary,
I am not a believer. I don’t believe that people meet, fall in love and live happily ever after. I don’t believe it when people tell each other that they care and they will keep caring till the end of time. I feel strange when people write on their profiles that they are in a relationship. When they openly declare their love for someone. Strange because I know they will not be in this relationship for long. That they will feel hurt and dejected and used and miserable by the end of it. That they will cry for long when it’s over. But strange also because I feel sad for myself as I know I will perhaps never be in a stable relationship. There are some things that scar you for life. Sadly, it happened to me when I was 20. When I ran towards that Metro station that night in Delhi because he was waiting there to for me. When I saw him sitting there for the first time. And the moment when I knew that the poor heart that I had was never gonna be mine again. The day that he left. And when i came to know that somehow, I was scarred for life.
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